Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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