i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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