besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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