Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet he comes in French.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i think my cat just said my name.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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