is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
