Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
