yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
