As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
