I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
