ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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