I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
