Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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