I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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