I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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