i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Panties = found
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
