brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
