Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You dont lie about slip and slides
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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