he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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