he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
