we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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