I didn't shave. On purpose
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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