jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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