Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
