I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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