i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
