the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
