Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
