in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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