like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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