My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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