9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
