I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
