oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were trust falling into bushes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
