the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
