She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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