Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
