absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
