The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
