your parents love me but you hate me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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