Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
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