yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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