Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
