Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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