If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
