Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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