You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's great music for shaving your balls
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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