she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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