So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
