come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
