scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
