there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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