i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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