Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
