New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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